SUNDAY SOLILOQUY:
"Betrayal can only happen when there is love and trust. For in the act of love, we let people into the most intimate aspect of our hearts, letting down our walls and protections. That’s when we risk hurt and betrayal but that’s also the place of utter love.
Whenever I felt betrayed by people I love, for it can only be triggered by those we love, I was left with a very confused feeling. The shift from a place of love to a place of hurt and anger triggered by betrayal is a radical shift over a short period of time. It feels like an earthquake has shaken the foundation of your love and it leaves one desperately trying to grab on to any solid land to get a grip of what has just happened. I usually grab the land of sorrow first, then anger, then disappointment. Eventually, I realize that all of these feelings eat my heart from within and I come to the realization that the only way out is through love. But love? Really? You may wonder how one can transform the pain of betrayal into love. I too did not believe it could happen at first but now I do.
Betrayal for me is the act of not being loyal when other people believe they are loyal. I see it simply as the lack of courage at being truthful to oneself or to others. Betrayal for me is not in the act of abandonment but in the lack of ability to communicate the truth, one’s truth, with integrity and grace to those we love. Only when we tell the truth can there be true healing.
I am almost 70 years old and I only felt betrayal 2 times in my life. That’s twice in seven decades. Not bad when compared to many who have been cheated many times. I have a hard time believing people we love do things out of meanness. Hurt can only come out of hurt. Maybe I am wrong, maybe not, and maybe there are exceptions to this theory. If I understood the feeling that triggered the person I loved so much to violate my space in such a painful way I could have been provided a lee way to grasp it better. And that’s when I started wondering if I have ever betrayed myself first? When have I betrayed myself? I started asking. What were those moments? What triggered me to betray myself?
That’s when things started shifting from seeing any point of betrayal from inside out to seeing it from within the self. Embarking on this journey is the toughest. It is not easy to discover what I really needed to discover, heal, love and accept about myself. When I took the inward journey for the discovery I learned that I have always tried to protect my vulnerabilities by creating illusions and projections of the people I loved, rather than addressing and seeing my true needs and what I was seeking thereby seeing the true being and who they were. I became more angry and disappointed with myself for all the times I let go of my instinct and did not trust it; and for all the times when I did not stand up for my rights or own my voice and power.
The betrayal of me came from my own injuries. Some of them go back to my childhood and here I am still working them out in my adult life. Suddenly, the anger and the disappointment I felt towards myself transformed into deep love and affection right down to the vulnerable part of me that was acting out of pain, for I understood that pain and its source. Fluctuating the self and punishing it for all the wrong we have done is so much easier than loving it. But then again, there cannot be healing, true healing, without love. And I had to consciously go into love to heal myself from the time I had betrayed myself. In order to heal and love, one has to forgive. We must forgive even when not asked for forgiveness. Is it too much to ask to forgive those who have not asked for forgiveness? I don’t think so. The more I forgive the more I get blessed from the Divine, just as the Divine had showered mercy upon me innumerable times.
Finally, I calmed down regarding the saying, rested in it, accepted it and understood why we need to do it. It’s the only way we can heal ourselves and let the self be free of all resentments, anger, pain, and hurt. People hurt each other out of their own pain just as we hurt ourselves out of our own pain. So only when we release ourselves from that pain, see it, love it and forgive it, can we truly love the essence of the self in its most beautiful aspect and also in the aspect we are most embarrassed of, our own shadows, for that is the true meaning of love.
If they betrayed me out of their pain just as I betrayed myself out of my pain then I can understand, sympathize and I can love without needs or expectations but for what it is and what that person is, without any illusions or projections. I still believe that only when we tell the truth can there be true healing, I also understand that it takes much courage to tell that truth and sometimes it will entail me revealing the most insecure, frightened aspects of ourselves. I can only go through this process for myself. I cannot expect it at all from others. To each his or her own. But there is no harm if anyone could try it. For me, it is a journey of love. For I believe love is bigger than all. And love to forgive is the only true healer for resentments, anger, pain, and hurt.
Don’t get me wrong when I ask you to forbid revenge, hate, destruction and jealousy when someone betrays. These are the arsenals many use to satisfy their devilish designs. Try to forgive the betrayer even if they don’t deserve it. That is the only way you and me can heal. Now to the question: Is it possible to love those who betrayed us? Absolutely a big YES! I LOVE each and every single one of them who betrayed me.
You can move on in this world if you forgive and bless them and please believe in yourself." ~ Anthony Sunny Kunneth
Sending love, lights, positive energies, warm hugs and kisses.
