What to do when you get betrayed? Should you forgive and move on?

SUNDAY SOLILOQUY:

"Betrayal can only happen when there is love and trust.  For in the act of love, we let people into the most intimate aspect of our hearts, letting down our walls and protections.  That’s when we risk hurt and betrayal but that’s also the place of utter love.

Whenever I felt betrayed by people I love, for it can only be triggered by those we love, I was left with a very confused feeling.  The shift from a place of love to a place of hurt and anger triggered by betrayal is a radical shift over a short period of time.  It feels like an earthquake has shaken the foundation of your love and it leaves one desperately trying to grab on to any solid land to get a grip of what has just happened.  I usually grab the land of sorrow first, then anger, then disappointment.  Eventually, I realize that all of these feelings eat my heart from within and I come to the realization that the only way out is through love.  But love? Really? You may wonder how one can transform the pain of betrayal into love.  I too did not believe it could happen at first but now I do.

Betrayal for me is the act of not being loyal when other people believe they are loyal. I see it simply as the lack of courage at being truthful to oneself or to others.  Betrayal for me is not in the act of abandonment but in the lack of ability to communicate the truth, one’s truth, with integrity and grace to those we love.  Only when we tell the truth can there be true healing. 

I am almost 70 years old and I only felt betrayal 2 times in my life.  That’s twice in seven decades. Not bad when compared to many who have been cheated many times. I have a hard time believing people we love do things out of meanness.  Hurt can only come out of hurt.  Maybe I am wrong, maybe not, and maybe there are exceptions to this theory. If I understood the feeling that triggered the person I loved so much to violate my space in such a painful way I could have been provided a lee way to grasp it better. And that’s when I started wondering if I have ever betrayed myself first? When have I betrayed myself?  I started asking.  What were those moments?  What triggered me to betray myself? 

That’s when things started shifting from seeing any point of betrayal from inside out to seeing it from within the self. Embarking on this journey is the toughest. It is not easy to discover what I really needed to discover, heal, love and accept about myself. When I took the inward journey for the discovery I learned that I have always tried to protect my vulnerabilities by creating illusions and projections of the people I loved, rather than addressing and seeing my true needs and what I was seeking thereby seeing the true being and who they were. I became more angry and disappointed with myself for all the times I let go of my instinct and did not trust it; and for all the times when I did not stand up for my rights or own my voice and power.

The betrayal of me came from my own injuries. Some of them go back to my childhood and here I am still working them out in my adult life.  Suddenly, the anger and the disappointment I felt towards myself transformed into deep love and affection right down to the vulnerable part of me that was acting out of pain, for I understood that pain and its source. Fluctuating the self and punishing it for all the wrong we have done is so much easier than loving it.  But then again, there cannot be healing, true healing, without love.  And I had to consciously go into love to heal myself from the time I had betrayed myself. In order to heal and love, one has to forgive. We must forgive even when not asked for forgiveness. Is it too much to ask to forgive those who have not asked for forgiveness? I don’t think so. The more I forgive the more I get blessed from the Divine, just as the Divine had showered mercy upon me innumerable times.

Finally, I calmed down regarding the saying, rested in it, accepted it and understood why we need to do it.  It’s the only way we can heal ourselves and let the self be free of all resentments, anger, pain, and hurt.  People hurt each other out of their own pain just as we hurt ourselves out of our own pain.  So only when we release ourselves from that pain, see it, love it and forgive it, can we truly love the essence of the self in its most beautiful aspect and also in the aspect we are most embarrassed of, our own shadows, for that is the true meaning of love. 

If they betrayed me out of their pain just as I betrayed myself out of my pain then I can understand, sympathize and I can love without needs or expectations but for what it is and what that person is, without any illusions or projections. I still believe that only when we tell the truth can there be true healing, I also understand that it takes much courage to tell that truth and sometimes it will entail me revealing the most insecure, frightened aspects of ourselves.  I can only go through this process for myself.  I cannot expect it at all from others.  To each his or her own.  But there is no harm if anyone could try it. For me, it is a journey of love.  For I believe love is bigger than all.  And love to forgive is the only true healer for resentments, anger, pain, and hurt.

Don’t get me wrong when I ask you to forbid revenge, hate, destruction and jealousy when someone betrays. These are the arsenals many use to satisfy their devilish designs. Try to forgive the betrayer even if they don’t deserve it. That is the only way you and me can heal. Now to the question:  Is it possible to love those who betrayed us?  Absolutely  a big YES!  I LOVE each and every single one of them who betrayed me.

 You can move on in this world if you forgive and bless them and please believe in yourself." ~ Anthony Sunny Kunneth

Sending love, lights, positive energies, warm hugs and kisses.

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Do you bouncing back with resilience when adversity strikes you? If not, you have to.

SUNDAY SOLILOQUY:

"Thank God, the darkest period of the night is just always before dawn!

You are not the only one on this planet who has had the same feeling of despair and worthlessness. I am sure, each one of us has felt that way at some point in our lives, and might get into the same feeling again.

And as Winston Churchill has famously said that “Keep going even if you are going through the hell.” In order to reach heaven, you must 

How to be happy?

SUNDAY SOLILOQUY:

"How to be happy? This is the last week’s question I promised to answer you all. So here I am answering that question.

It’s more than a little comforting to know that people can become happier, that pessimists can become optimists, and that stressed and negative brains can be trained to see more possibility.” – Shawn Achor

Researchers have found that all of us have a kind of happiness baseline–that we have a typical amount of happiness during our lives. However, with the right effort we can INCREASE our happiness baseline:

No matter who you are, what your experiences are, or how you think, you can learn how to be happy–and it is absolutely a learned skill set.

Change Your Mindset: Happiness doesn’t just happen to you. Happiness is a lifestyle etched deep in attitudes and positive emotions that you have built over time.

Certain daily rituals will positively bring happiness. Each of these activities listed below not only gives us a quick boost of positive emotions, improving our performance and focus in the moment; but if performed habitually over time, each has been shown to help permanently raise our happiness baseline.

1. When you meditate, even just five minutes a day, it rewires your brain to raise our levels of happiness, lower stress, and improve immune function.

2. Write a thank you email to an employee, a friend or even a family member. Not necessarily an email; even saying it personally will have the same effect.

3. Set up something to look forward to–it can be as small as chocolate after lunch, seeing a friend this weekend or even scheduling a time from your busy life to wish your child or grandchild on his or her birthday. Knowing you have this coming up releases dopamine in your brain as if you are actually doing it. In other words, you benefit from the reward before actually getting the reward.

4. Commit conscious acts or deeds of kindness by doing one nice thing for someone every day. Buy a coffee for the person behind you in the drive-through or help someone else bag their groceries at checkout.

5. Make your environment inspiring. How can you infuse positivity into your surroundings? Is it a beautiful pen? A nice mid-day walk? A better ringtone? Make an effort to surround yourself with things that make you smile.

6. Exercise whenever you can–I know we have heard this one before. But even small walks a few times a week results in significant improvements in mental health.

7. Spend on experiences. Research shows that spending money on experiences and activities rather than on material purchases makes us happier in the moment and over time. Look at your credit card statement over the past month- what did you spend more on? I don’t mean to bankrupt yourself financially but spend caring for your personal development. How would you feel when you learn or elevate your skillset? Of course, any successful learning of skillsets will trigger the release of dopamine in the brain resulting in happy moments. Writing, singing, playing a game you love are all means of triggering those moments of happiness.

I also find sharing positive experiences with others strengthens our relationship with them. This is because emotions are contagious, so when you’re happy it makes other people feel good too; and those feelings then create a sense of togetherness that helps you connect on a deeper level. We all want to be happier and live more fulfilling lives. The question is: How? We pursue success, relationships, hobbies, etc. but what do you do when it still feels like something is missing?

The answer is in your thoughts.

A growing body of research has found that practicing grateful thinking is key to being happier, healthier and having better relationships. The hardest part of practicing gratitude is remembering to do it. This is why I recommend using a helpful tool called a gratitude totem. This is something that triggers a moment of gratitude. It can be a person, a specific time, an object, etc., and whenever you see it you take a moment to reflect on all the things you’re grateful for. Invite your family and friends to join you in practicing gratitude by sharing what you’re grateful for with each other. Many in the West attend weekend parties but how many do say a gratitude prayer either at the beginning of the party or even a thanksgiving prayer at the end. None I suppose. While in the East like in my country, how many of them do the same at a family or a friendship reunion. None I presume. Not even at mealtime.

Different cultures have different methods. Know which tradition cultivates a sense of gratitude and when? If there is one, cultivate that to be practiced daily till it becomes a ritual.

There is a more important point to be specifically addressed now before coming to any concrete conclusions. Is to possible to be truly happy? Possible? NO.

Happiness is a very subjective term. It differs from person to person. It is all about one's perception of looking at the situation.

For me, happiness is enjoying every moment, be it good or bad. You must be thinking as to whether am I mad or what to say that you need to enjoy bad moments. You must be thinking about how one can be happy in bad or tough times.

Of course, not! That's why I said at the very beginning that it is not possible to be truly happy. One doesn’t cherish bad or tough times. Even in good times, you are not truly happy. You crave more and more happiness. You want more success. Happiness is such a thing only that will never be satisfied. You start thinking of your next moment of happiness or the other things which are affecting your life. And this is why one would never be really or truly happy even in good times, forget about bad times.

But yes, if you want to live life to the fullest, you need to find happiness in every small thing, even during times of adversities.

In my life, I enjoy every small thing the way it comes. I still remember when I watched a movie in the theatre for the first time after my graduation. I was super happy. I was not truly happy because I didn't enjoy these things earlier but still I was happy. I found happiness when in 1969 for the first time I cycled around Bangalore Cantonment side and its suburbs just to feel it. I never traveled around places in the early days of my life here for some reasons and that was hurting but yes I wanted to enjoy my present. I got my first odd job after a lot of struggle. I still didn't get what I wanted but yes I was still the if not truly happy because it was a sigh of relief. That relief on the face of my family members who struggled to make me what I am today was the ultimate reason for me to be happy if not truly happy.

I still remember the days when going to the restaurant was like a big thing while at college, a once in a blue moon opportunity. But yes, once I got a job, it is no more a big deal. But still to recollect those tough days and seeing your parents having good times is what makes me happy and as I said earlier not truly happy because my parents didn't enjoy life earlier when they wanted to.

You would be happy if you remember your struggle. You would be happy if you understand how blessed you are. You would be happy if you understand the pain of others who struggle to get even two times bread and butter in their daily life. To be truly happy is difficult if not impossible. But yes, to be happy is very much possible.

On a lighter note, I get happy even when I get to see my old crush but am not truly happy because she is not my girlfriend or my better-half. Did you get my message now?

So just chill. Be happy and enjoy life even if you are not truly happy by following these tenets

.

Try to be happy and not truly happy is the last I would suggest to anyone in all honesty. I believe it is a wise suggestion.

Most importantly it would be very appropriate and wise, therefore, to have a small 5 minutes session for saying a gratitude prayer at an appropriate convenient time, like when you open your eyes in the morning to wake up from deep slumber. This will make you feel energetic and keep your whole day ahead with positive energies. Starting the day with the right foot will keep you in the right direction. A ripple sort of effect will be created in all the things you do and all the other gestures, words and deeds I mentioned will fall into the right place when you practice regularly. Strictly adhering to these rituals awaken the positive energies and harmonizes with that of the cosmos.

Try it for a week, I promise it will make you happy and have a very positive effect to your body, soul and of course it will create the positive emotions that you deserve" ~

Anthony Sunny Kunneth

Sending love, lights, positive energies, warm hugs and kisses to you all.

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Where do you find "Happiness" and why it is so elusive?

 SUNDAY SOLILOQUY:

"Where do you find happiness?

True happiness is a sense of peace and a feeling of complete and utter contentment and relaxation, without fear, despair, loathing, sadness, and frustration. True happiness comes from within and can be spread through positive interactions to put a glow in the lives of others as they search for a way towards it themselves. It is possible to find true happiness. There is no special trick. You just need to free yourself and take off, fly to the precipice of the mountain and view what is around you objectively, only to realize the whole picture and snap out of the vicious cycles you have been trapped in during your life.

What do "Spiritual Enlightenment" mean to me?

 

SUNDAY SOLILOQUY:

The concept of spiritual enlightenment sits at the core of a number of religious and traditional spiritual practices, from Buddhism to Hinduism, Jainism to Zoroastrianism, and even (though not termed in the same way) to many other religions, including Islam, Christianity, and Judaism, among others. It is also a common concept in alternative spiritual practices throughout the world, both religious and secular. There is a great deal of debate and different schools of thought on exactly what enlightenment is, and how to achieve enlightenment – indeed, philosophies vary considerably in this regard.