Does jealousy prove that you are truly in love?

“Jealousy is when you count someone else's blessings instead of yours.” ~ Unknown

” Jealousy in a relationship is like a double edge sword. A small dose is necessary to reassure that someone truly cares while too much is toxic to the relationship.” ~ Kemmy Nola

“I'm sorry... sometimes I get jealous thinking that someone else could make you happier then I

could. I guess it's my insecurities acting up. Because I know I'm not the prettiest, smartest, or most funny and exciting, but I do know no matter how hard or long you look, you'll never find someone who loves you like I do. ~ Unknown

"Does jealousy prove that you are truly in love?

Sadly jealousy has cost a lot of people their lives and sabotaged many others from achieving happy successful lives. Therefore, I like to suggest it is never wise to take jealousy lightly. Even in small doses jealousy is worrisome because it may grow and eventually destroy a person or an otherwise potentially good love relationship. A little bit of jealousy can indicate a little sense of threat or fear is occurring. A lot of jealousy means there is a lot of fear. With great fear, often come big and horrible mistakes. Jealousy also means that in a relationship something or someone of some importance is in danger of being lost, or at least that is the underling perception. However, it may have little or nothing to do with a loss of healthy real love. More likely the fear concerns a loss of pride, ego, life role position, infantile dependency, status, security or some other non-real love factor.

Jealousy is based in fear, not in love. With jealousy often comes possessiveness, suspicion, anger, controlling acts and a lot of other negative behaviors. Powerful domination or deceitful manipulations are attempts to force you to be with me, instead of attracting you by becoming more improved, becoming love focused and acting with love. The fear basis of jealousy also often gets the one who is jealous to see threat and betrayal where none exists. Interrogation, spying, privacy invasion and paranoid ways are typical of a jealous person. None of that represents the behaviors of healthy real love.

Be careful not to confuse jealousy with envy. Jealousy is when you don’t want someone else to have what you want or what you might want. Envy is when you want something like what someone else has. Envy can lead us to achieve improvements, acquire additions, etc. while jealousy usually leads only to trouble. With enough jealousy you will drive off the person you are trying to keep. With that loss either you will quit trying, deteriorate and be destroyed, or you will grow yourself into better emotional shape and get over being so jealous. In any case the jealousy will be decommissioned. An unhealthy danger is if someone keeps giving in to your jealousy and rewards it by staying with you. Most often rewarded jealousy continues and increases. The more you give in to jealousy the more the jealous person uses jealousy to control you. Also they work less on improving themselves because controlling you with jealousy is working. Being compliant and surrendering cooperatively to a jealous lover’s every whim can make a relationship last longer but usually the jealousy grows like a cancer until it destroys you and the person you are jealous with.

I know that most of you might ask whether over-possessiveness is considered as jealously. My honest answer would be yes and no. Yes, because when you don’t venture to question your partner, to get an appropriate reassurance and of course, a big no, when you ask boldly for an appropriate reassurance from your partner. Remember that the way or phrase you question will affirm your own conviction of your true love for her or him. So be careful how you choose your questions. It should carry the true and honest attributes of your love for her or him. This will not only remove jealousy from your very soul but will undoubtedly get assurance of your partner’s love for you.

Mostly in the modern world jealousy doesn’t work to keep somebody around. In most modern world relationships, only love will do that. In less developed parts of the world jealousy may still work somewhat because in those places it’s harder to get away from a jealous, controlling, possessive spouse, lover, etc. Wherever people are sufficiently free to safely get away from a jealous possessive lover, parent, family, friend, etc. they tend to do so. Thus, jealousy tends to lose sway wherever freedom, gender equality, and democracy are becoming the social norm.

Self-love therefore, has a lot to do with this topic. When we fully love ourselves, not only do we realize that we do not need another to make us happy, but we know that we are our own source of love, and that can never be taken away from us.
If you are one of those who think that a little jealousy is a good thing my suggestion is to very careful about that. If you know someone involved in a relationship filled with jealousy problems please consider suggesting they seek professional assistance quickly, and know you might be saving their life by doing so. All too often strong jealousy turns deadly and self destructing. If you have a teenager or young adult dating a highly jealous person consider going quickly into family therapy because you may be facing the dynamics of jealousy mixed with immaturity which is often a highly dangerous and deadly combination.

I think that our definition of the word love would also depend on if we choose to see jealousy as a sign of love or insecurity. To me, love is when you give to another the full privilege to be themselves and you want for them what they want for themselves; when you don't limit their expression of who they are. Unconditionally loving someone means that we will never be jealous of anyone who could be better than us, because we love the other person so much as to know that if what they want is to be with another, it is ok with us, because we are happy at the thought of THEIR happiness.

So, I like to answer the question posed at the beginning of this segment, “No, jealousy does not prove love at all but it definitely is a part of love, but it does prove insecurity and that can sometimes be quite dangerous. Love is having an indescribable feeling of passion for another. Jealousy is getting angry over (and wanting) something you can't have.

Therefore if you ever feel that jealousy is trying to show its head, just smile at it, and affirm your own positive qualities. Take your personal power back, love yourself and know that you can never be hurt by another unless you allow them to hurt you. Jealousy without anger in your heart is a healthy trend. It permits you to reach the highest expectation of your partner, if you will thus allowing you to be the dream partner.

So, let your love be healthy and be careful of the jealous nature of your heart. Of course my parting advice: never allow jealousy to cross its limit and make you angry." 

Sending love, lights, peace and warm hugs to you, my dear friends!

Anthony Sunny Kunneth.

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