Think before you speak, ask before you judge........Before every action there is a wise step that should be taken

“Think before you speak, ask before you judge, do before you preach and pray before you start.

Before every action there is a wise step that should be taken.”

A heart rending absorbing story about a depressed boy, named Teddy Stoddard, who lost his mother at a tender age that you would love to read:

“As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.

Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.

It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.

At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around.."

His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."

His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."

Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."

By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper That he got from a grocery bag Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.

On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets...”

A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.

Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.

Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.

Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.

They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."

Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."

(Dr. Teddy Stoddard is at Iowa Methodist Hospital in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

"So there's a story behind every person. A story of circumstances and environment that has made him what he is now. Therefore think before you judge; their life may not be as easy as it seems. Before you assume, learn the facts. Before you judge, understand why. Before you hurt someone, feel. Before you speak, think. I do, but I never say anything out loud. I think, we all judge people. Even if we say we don't, we do. Judging someone irrationally isn't the best idea, but sometimes it's all a person can think of. The society we live is causing us to judge everyone and everything. It's in our human nature to naturally judge others. Yes this is hundred percent true. Everybody does. It's inevitable. By making judgments’, your brain is collecting and categorizing information. If we didn't make judgments about people, places, or things, we wouldn't be able to remember anything or anybody. That's just human nature. I believe it's a good thing. If we walk into any relationships with no prediction or foresight, that just sounds like a bad idea. Isn’t it? We all are by nature prone to judging others. And it has its adverse effects upon us. It is not virtues and take its toll upon us negatively.

I think it's interesting to see how wrong or right I was on predicting what that person is like. Now, How much time do you spend judging others? I would love to be able to sit here and write that I am such a wonderful, open, loving person that I don't judge anyone, but that's just not the case. I judge. And I mean judge. And I hate it. Its one thing I do much more often than I should and it's one thing that ultimately causes a great deal of unhappiness within me. I judge others' clothing. I judge others' actions. I judge others' words. I know we all do this to some extent and I also know that it relates completely to how we feel about ourselves. If you are 100% happy with who you are, you are a lot less likely to feel the need to judge others. Though I'm becoming a lot more comfortable with who I am and, therefore, judging others less , I still have a long way to go until I am self-assured enough not to cast a downward glance at others.

I've been thinking a lot about this, and I've realized that judgment is something I do without thinking -- all the time. Someone cuts me off in traffic? I mumble, "What an asshole!" Someone comes to work wearing something from a few decades back? I think, "God, she needs a makeover!" A friend spends time with a no-good ex? I think, "That's really pathetic." When I think about these things (which are only a few small examples), I realize that all of them could easily be me. I've cut someone off in traffic before. I've worn outfits that weren't fabulous. I would have certainly spent time with exes I shouldn't have, though I personally abhor and detest casual flings and one night stands like the playboys. I judge others when I could very well be in their shoes. And, worst of all, I feel bad about it after. When I judge someone, I don't feel good about myself -- not even for a second. I feel bad. I feel sad. I don't want to be judged and I've always believed in the idea of treating others how I want to be treated.

I know I can change. After having changed so much in relation to my attitude, I know I have the ability to change and to stop placing so many judgments on others. It's important to remember that I'm talking about negative judgments here. Not all judgments are bad. Not all judgments are hurtful or painful or wrong. But most of them are. And those are the ones I want to stop. I want to be a happy person and judging others does not make me happy either. I know, as the quote above says, that it's up to me to make the change. No one is going to put an end to my judging for me. Just like happiness, it's up to me to make the change. I'm pretty darn sure this won't be easy. I've been judging others for a long, long time. It's going to take a lot -- and I mean, a LOT -- of work for me to realize what I'm doing and stop it before it happens. It's going to take a lot for me not to join in when I hear the critical words of others. It's not going to be easy, but, most things that are worth it aren't.

We judge others only when we are insecure, scared, lonely, and when we are seeking change. When we judge others we are actually indulging in these following acts without our knowledge.

1. Hurt other people. This might not always happen. If the person never finds out what you said, you're in the clear, right? Not necessarily. Things have a way of coming back and hurting people in unexpected ways. Think about what you say. Would you say that to his/her face? If not, it's probably best left unsaid (and un-thought!).
2. Make you feel worse about you. When you judge others (or, at least, when I do), you feel bad afterward. You don't feel good about yourself. You might get a tiny rush from the judgments, but, ultimately, you feel guilty. You think you're a bad person for casting such harsh judgments on others. You bring yourself down when you bring others down.
3. Perpetuate stereotypes. The more judgments out there in the world, the more stereotypes get formed and people are trying to live up to (or avoid) the ideas of what they are "supposed" to be. Whether stereotypes are based on race, gender, spirituality, ethnicity, appearance, or any other attribute, they are bad news. They force people (including you!) to feel as if there are standards they must meet instead of living a free, happy life. Don't be a part of perpetuating stereotypes with your own judgments.
4. Put negativity into the world. No matter what you way you rationalize your judgments, they are not bringing anything good into the world. They bring others down. They bring you down. They make the world an unhappy place. Can you imagine if we were all accepting and loving of one another? Can you imagine what the world would be like if we tried to understand other people rather than judging them?
5. Encourage you to judge yourself. If you're judging others, you're probably judging yourself pretty harshly as well. As for me, I know this is the case. For example, I judge what other people wear, and, as a consequence, I'm extremely concerned with what I wear. I spend quite a lot of time on my clothing and appearance and I bet I would do this less if I didn't judge others so harshly.
It is really difficult for us to stop judging others but if strive, we can put a brake and change the course for the betterment of our own lives. 

In my opinion there are six different ways by which we can overcome this habit of ours:
a) Monitor your thoughts. Think about what you thinking about. I often go along thinking things about other people, judging them, and I don't even realize it. I'm going to work on paying more attention to my thoughts and do my best to push them in a positive direction.
b) Look for the positive. Judgments are negative. There is almost and always something positive you can find in someone or something. While my mind might immediately focus on the negative, I can push my thoughts in a more positive direction and look for something nice to say. And, of course, if you can't find something nice to say, don't say anything at all.
c) Avoid stereotyping. Stereotypes are never, ever good. I really try to avoid them, but I know I don't always. As I said above, they really create a lot of negativity in the world and I know I don't want to be a part of that. I want to work on recognizing stereotypes and working to avoid them at all costs. There is no need for them in my life.
d) Stop judging yourself. It's not all that easy to do, but the more we judge ourselves, the more we'll judge others. I judge myself a lot and I need to work on that. I need to focus on the positive aspects of me and then it will be a lot easier to focus on the positive aspects of others. There's no reason to be so hard on myself and I'm going to really, really work on this one.
e) Focus on your own life. When all else fails and judgments are hard to push away, focus on yourself. Don't worry about what other people are doing/wearing/etc. Think about your own life. Focus on what you want and go after it. When you're trying to avoid your own problems, it's easy to criticize others. Don't. Think about you and focus on the good things.
f) Remember how it feels. Remember how it feels to be judged. AND remember how it felt the last time you judged someone else. It doesn't feel good to judge or to be judged so put an end to it right now. I'm going to work on remember these feelings the next time I feel like a negative thought about someone else is cropping up.

The act of judgment is an act of pride. It involves looking to our own store of knowledge, putting together a few facts, figures or fancies, and coming up with some sort of answer or solution to a given problem or situation. All too often it is the wrong solution or answer, and because of pride, we refuse to correct course. Judging others is an act of monumental pride - enormous pride, stupendous pride, galling, astonishing, fantastic pride. This should be understood. When you render judgment on another, you have taken upon yourself an awesome responsibility for making the correct judgment. Because, after all, your judgment is not necessary.

All things, big and small, invite your judgment. The condition of the weather, political matters, the taste of your food, a television program - at every moment of the day, something or other is inviting your judgment of it. And so often, and so willingly, you render it, without being aware of the consequences, without taking care of the responsibilities entailed. You judge, and then to make matters worse, you believe in your judgment. You've looked at the evidence, you've made a judgment - it must be right!

There couldn't possibly be any other conclusion to arrive at but the one you've chosen could there? What you don't see, don't understand, is that your judgment leads to suffering - your own suffering. It does not touch the person judged; he or she is free of you and your thoughts and your judgments. You cannot change their behaviour by even a hair's breadth by your judgment."

Sending love, lights, peace and warm hugs to you, my dear friends!

Anthony Sunny Kunneth.

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