Is ego our enemy or friend?

“The ego is the worst confidence trickster we could ever imagine.” — Dr. Yoav Dattilo.

“The ego is a way of organizing oneself; it comes from the intellect as the mind starts to click in.” — Mark Epstein

“Is ego our enemy or friend?

We usually associate the word ‘ego’ with being arrogant, proud, or selfish. However, our ego is a different thing — it magnifies either our best or worst side. That’s why the ego is the worst confidence trickster: we end buying the exaggerated version of ourselves.

The ego hides in the last place you will ever look: within itself. Disguised as thoughts or feelings, your ego tricks you. When you believe you are your ego, you’ll do anything to keep that illusion alive. Ego has convinced us that to believe ourselves Divine is arrogant, but can it be arrogant to be who we are? Ego does not want us to know our truth, for then ego loses its hold on us and will vanish. Is it possible to have been created perfect, omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent forever? When we open the door to that possibility, we give ourselves the opportunity to have that as our direct experience.

When you desire to be perceived as the smartest boss, the beloved mom, the best negotiator, the kindest woman, the funniest guy, the most creative writer — fill in the blanks — you allow your ego to take over. You self-identify with a single aspect of yourself — preserving that perfect image becomes a life-or-death matter.

By wanting to keep our illusory-self happy, not only we place hope on an impossible goal but also harm ourselves and others. People are willing to lie, kill, cheat, hide, or steal to protect their ego boundaries. If someone criticizes that ‘perfect side,’ they take it personally — they feel their entire identity is at risk.

The paradox of the unhealthy ego is that, though it seems like a confidence-booster, it creates more harm. By comparing ourselves to others, we create self-doubt. And feel disappointed pursuing endless ambitions, we end disappointed. By pretending things always to go our way, we become bitter and frustrated.

The unhealthy ego is a fraud — don’t believe your illusory-self is true.

Most people believe they know themselves, but less than 15% are genuinely self-aware. Being self-centered or having a distortion of who we are, turns us into a victim of the illusory-self.The ego is you ‘I-ness or mine’ — it captures your thoughts, beliefs, memories, and emotions regardless of whether they are good or bad. However, the problem is not the beast itself, but the role ego plays. Having no ego would be a disaster — we need something to mediate between our desires and our beliefs and values. Without it, we would become helpless or mentally ill. The ego’s relentless pursuit of attention and power undermines the goal we want to achieve. Dealing with an unhealthy ego is exhausting.

As we aspire to become richer, smarter, better, stronger, or more attractive than others, we are shadowed by a persistent sense of weariness and self-doubt. You don’t need another ego; you just need to be you. Our ego likes security, certainty, and repetition. It makes us feel comfortable by reinforcing an idealized version of ourselves. If people threaten that illusion, we turn them into an enemy. That’s why ego-driven people engage in constant battles — they want to protect the fragile fantasy of who they are. The funny part is that we fight to keep an image of ourselves that no one buys into, except us and therefore your greatest enemy is your inner perception, not your ego.

How an ego is born:

The ego is born out of fear and isolation. It creates our identity and separates us from those around us when we were a child. The birth of ego is the process of identifying the self in term of opposing ourselves to others. Before we recognize our own existence, we begin to see others strongly. We want to conquer others, creating a snowballing effect that feeds passion, aggression, and ignorance. Our ego not only blinds us but also makes others blind. We want to impose our possibilities over other people — whatever we see; we want others to see too. We believe our vision of the world is the world.

The illusion of self goes beyond having an unrealistic vision of who we are. We want to stick to that image forever. We want to hold to the illusion that our self is permanent, but life is fluid, not rigid. We are continually changing — our sense of existence is not permanent. We can’t carry our personality to the next life. Many people believe that the ego is just a source of trouble.

We all must agree that the ego is as a creation — we must get it out of our head and learn to tame our mind. The illusion of self is like a mask — we wear an identity that’s not real. When we feel under attack or panic, we create a world of duality that is also known as the ‘the world of ego.’ This duplicitous and unnecessary invention doesn’t allow us to see our true-self clearly.

Buddhists recommend egoless as the antidote to deal with the illusion of self.

Most people associate egoless with getting rid of the ego. However, that’s a misconception — the ego is essential to guide our decisions and behavior. “Spiritual Bypassing” is a term coined to describe those who use spiritual ideas and practices to avoid facing unresolved emotional issues. We must confront our ego instead of running away from it. How do we relinquish ego? By looking at it. If we fight ego we meet it on its terms and it will win, for ego's determination to exist is ENORMOUS. If we look on it calmly, we see its impotence. Denying ego, feeling guilty about it, defending it, justifying it, protecting it, befriending it... are all ways to maintain ego's existence. We dispel ego by withdrawing belief from it. To date probably only one in a billion has overcome ego. It is very rare because no one takes the trouble to truly find out what ego is. As soon as you do, you will walk away from it. The one who has is a hero. Why? Because that person has broken the code and exposed ego's deceptions for all humanity. Ego uses the power we gave it to destroy or create what is not in our best interest, but rather what is in its best interest.

In the true sense ego cannot oppose the laws of God. Nor can we. However ego can misinterpret them, as can we according to what we want, rather than according to what is. Ego originated from our desire to be as we are not. We cannot be as we are not. We can only be who we are. We do not have the power to be different from how God created us, and God created us all perfect.

It is in dissociating from each other that we maintain ego. We are all one. When we know our oneness, we will feel compassion toward those who suffer and struggle the effects of oppression and injustice and act toward the betterment of all mankind, all our brothers and sister, the one family of God. The greatest service we can render is to relinquish ego’s power.

And for that you must get rid of the illusion of who you are, the perception that you are not the real you; and not of the ego."

Sending love, lights, warm hugs and kisses.~ Anthony Sunny Kunneth

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