SUNDAY SOLILOQUY:
"Where do you find happiness?
True happiness is a sense of peace and a feeling of complete and utter contentment and relaxation, without fear, despair, loathing, sadness, and frustration. True happiness comes from within and can be spread through positive interactions to put a glow in the lives of others as they search for a way towards it themselves. It is possible to find true happiness. There is no special trick. You just need to free yourself and take off, fly to the precipice of the mountain and view what is around you objectively, only to realize the whole picture and snap out of the vicious cycles you have been trapped in during your life.
Why does happiness seem so elusive?
I love this question. Why? Because it means different things to different people.
Let me put it this way. For example, let me take water that quenches us.
First, let’s get you rewired a little, so to speak. Happiness is a transient state or occurrence that is converted to an emotion. We call that emotion happiness. It certainly is not a state of being. The ultimate goal is actually to be content. Contentment is a more static state. Happiness is based on something going on at a particular time. Remember it is an emotion.
You can be happy, but still not be content. Happiness is really more like a fix that comes and goes. Contentment is much deeper, which I think is really the question and a great one.
Contentment is not given to you by anyone. You give it to yourself by learning how to obtain it.
Happiness is generally defined as the experience of frequent positive thoughts, such as joy, living life to the fullest, ultimate interest, or pride that bolsters your motive to strive further. Contentment is generally defined as a longer-lasting, deeper feeling of satisfaction and gratitude for attaining the desire. you need more water. You can’t make water, because you never learned to. So you have to be given water, by someone or something.
You decide you never want to be thirsty again so you seek to find a way to never be thirsty. Your goal is no matter how much I drink or how little I drink, I will never be thirsty again. How am I possibly going to figure out how to never be thirsty again no matter how much or how little I drink? This is ridiculous, but you see where I am headed.
The first thing that comes to your mind is if I don’t get enough I will die. While waiting for water I will become anxious, ridden with worry. That makes sense by the way. But still, I don’t understand.
Happiness is like trying to hold water in your hand. It leaks out no matter what you do. What if water had no gravity? You could hold it and it wouldn’t leak out by making it lighter.
Now let us come to the next question.
What is the difference between happiness and contentment?
Happiness is generally defined as the experience of frequent positive thoughts, such as joy, living life to the fullest, ultimate interest, or pride that bolsters your motive to strive further. Contentment is generally defined as a longer-lasting, deeper feeling of satisfaction and gratitude for attaining the desire.
So I think the question is “why is contentment so elusive”? Back to the water.
Everything stems from the same issue regarding this topic. Self-love, self-care, all starting with self-esteem. The value one places and keeps on one’s self.
Without self-love and self-care, you will not have boundaries. Boundaries are the same as saying, I matter. I deserve respect. I expect respect because I have earned it. You will need to examine yourself closely if you don’t love and respect yourself. Are you letting someone violate you physically or emotionally? Are you not forgiving yourself for something that you have done or do? Write down everything you like and love and dislike and hate about yourself.
Do you speak to yourself negatively both internally and externally? Do you beat yourself up all the time? Tell yourself ugly things. Run yourself down to yourself. Are you involved in activities or relationships that undermine your sense of self-worth? Do you often feel overwhelmed by these feelings? The way you judge yourself.
This list of how we get right with ourselves is long. It also changes. And we fail over and over as we make progress. Start with coming to terms with the human condition. The flaws we all have and start finding things you like about yourself and learn to love yourself. Start with something small. Don’t let people talk to you that is cruel. Take a stand for yourself.
You can have a terrible home life, you can be abused and you can be on drugs, etc etc. This will make it hard to be content because of a lack of self-love. To rise to the level of contentment is work. It has to be a goal and you have to understand that it is one; all of us are capable of achieving.
Happiness is high that addicts those not capable of contentment. The fleeting feeling of wellness gets shorter and shorter as we age. Contentment is the only thing that will quench your thirst as you age. You will have experienced the highs that come with happiness, and the lows that come with life. But contentment leaves you well no matter the surroundings or conditions. That is why it is so sought after. It is inner peace in a world of chaos.
Contentment is called The Unmistakable Freedom!
Be thankful in all cases and at all times. Do something for other people. Learn to serve. Stop reading about the rich and the beautiful and the famous. I know all these people. They are a mess. You could do it for a week, but it would wear off. Happiness, fleeting.
God loves you, and then you can love you. God forgives you when you ask, you can forgive you. If you are involved in repetitive behavior that is destroying your sense of self-worth, find someone you care about and tell them. Ask for help.
Happiness is an event, contentment is a lifetime. Your goal is to never be thirsty no matter how much or little you drink. Your well is inside you. If you stumble, ask the one who made you. He is really good at renewal and restoration.
Because we adapt to whatever amount of “happiness” something external can bring us until we end-up looking for the next thing that will hopefully bring us even more “happiness”.
There’s a term for this - hedonic adaptation. Hedonic meaning: “of, related to, or marked by pleasure.
Let’s say I’ve got a goal. I want to make $50,000 a year. I reach that goal and I celebrate! I feel awesome! And what’s more, since I’m making more cash now, I decide to buy myself a new car or treat myself to a vacation or whatever tickles my fancy. And I feel great! I’m enjoying this new toy and I feel pretty good with myself for reaching that 50k milestone. But...........
I soon get used to this new car. It loses its appeal. And the 50k? Well, that becomes my new normal and before long I’m thinking that I really need to be making 80k. So I go after that and tell myself that I really will be happy when I hit that new target. I’m now on the relentless and never-ending cycle of achieving, feel good, adapt, chase the next one.
That idea of “happiness” that you and our society have created for yourself? That becomes more and more elusive the more you chase after it. The success that brought you happiness remains for a short while. It fades of in due course.
You can never seem to reach it. It’s always just so slightly out of reach. Always dangling itself low in front of you, but never quite low enough that you can reach out and grab it.
I can call this the hedonic (or chasing happiness) treadmill. Except this is a treadmill that never turns off, nor slows down. You have to get off it. You see, we can never really become happy. We can only be happy. It’s a choice. And don’t get me wrong, there are clearly some circumstances in our life that DO have some influence over how happy we feel. Bad and tragic things happen in our lives. As do amazingly joyful things, too. when all is said and done. You’re alive. Nobody knows what’s around the corner, just look at what’s happening in the world now, how many long-term plans have that screwed up for people?
But studies have shown that in spite of all these highs and lows, we generally return to a base-level of happiness when all is said and done. You’re alive. Nobody knows what’s around the corner, just look at what’s happening in the world now, how many long-term plans have that screwed up for people?
What really then brings happiness that lasts for a lifetime? In other words, real happiness is constant happiness. Such happiness, unfortunately, is not available in the material world. Happiness acquired through the bodily senses will always and without exception be replaced by suffering.
In the material world, the basic happiness we seek to enjoy comes from eating, sleeping, mating, and defending. Eating, sleeping, mating, and defending are four urges shared by all living entities. It is four activities humans have in common with animals, birds, insects, plants, etc. In the modern world, it has become the foremost goal to fulfill and satisfy these four urges. They have been made the standard of happiness and enjoyment in life. What do we do together with our loved ones, with our family and friends? We eat, sleep, mate, and defend. The entire civilization revolves around these four activities.
Anyway, the point is that material happiness, usually coupled with the sense-gratification, is always mixed with suffering. Nobody wants to suffer; still, it’s an unavoidable factor of existence in the material world.
Most people in the world today have no information about how to obtain real happiness. They are resigned to the fact that you can’t have happiness without suffering, and they spend their whole lives trying to minimize their distress and maximize their happiness. kinds of suffering in the form of obesity, disease, etc. Anyway, the point is that material happiness, usually coupled with the sense-gratification, is always mixed with suffering. Nobody wants to suffer; still, it’s an unavoidable factor of existence in the material world.
But no matter how hard we try, there is no way of escaping the duality of material existence, except, that is, by connecting to one's real self, the soul. Spiritual happiness is not like that. Spiritual happiness is the happiness that is inherent in the soul, and it’s what everybody is looking for. But no matter how hard we try, there is no way of escaping the duality of material existence, except, that is, by connecting to one’s real self, the soul.
The happiness for which we are all looking can only be obtained by surrendering ourselves to the Source. The type of happiness that comes from connecting with our real selves, the soul, with Divine Source, surpasses all the happiness that can be squeezed out of matter, which even sex with the most beautiful women becomes like broken glass in comparison or possessing a condo will seem like a speck of dust from the cosmos.
Expressing gratitude for everything we have especially the gift of life is really such a fantastic way of learning to be happy with what you have now. So is practicing mindfulness and meditation to be more present; and stop relying on this future event, which may never even happen anyway, to hopefully bring you that elusive happiness you so long for!
Be your own hero, my dear friends. Happiness comes from within.
Accept your positive and negative traits because that makes you an individual. After accepting, start working on your negative traits, your negative traits won’t vanish but you would be able to control them which is far better than just flowing in your emotions. Have big goals by all means. Learn, experience and grow with wisdom in your life. But stop chasing happiness from outside your being. It’s not to be chased that way. Definitely not from external sources. And if you do, you’ll find it eludes you until the day you die. And then, there really will be nothing for you to chase anymore.
Therefore live in the present, no matter what circumstances you are in. Seek happiness from within your being, while being content with what little you have. More next week about; how to be happy?" ~
Anthony Sunny Kunneth
Sending love, lights, positive energies, warm hugs and kisses to you all.
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